I finally “got” an important aspect of my peculiarity, that I must manage better. I have long understood vaguely, but now I get it SPECIFICALLY and far more fully. To use Mom’s words, I talk too much.
Of course the reason I do that is that my immediate family and some old friends – as well as strangers, whom I’ve tended to call “my adversaries,” won’t shut up telling me that I talk too much, CAN’T be right, etc., which makes me believe it is the content they resist rather than my repetitiveness. Therefore, I have assumed they are guilty of everything I think I have hard or circumstantial evidence about. This might or might not be true. I must now reevaluate everything under my new understanding.
How did I get this additional insight? I took in two temporarily homeless people in circumstantial situations close to mine, whom I’ve taken into my apartment for a short time – a straight couple, both in their early 40s. One, let’s call him Daniel, is a much accomplished city planner, as well as music composer and pianist. Mindy (we’ll call her) is a much accomplished FM radio personality from western PA (Johnstown). In any case, Daniel, especially, thinks like me in “out-there-ness” and intensity. We both seek to serve (as does Cindy, although she’s more the athlete and jabber-talker), and so I see myself mirrored, and, like it or not, Daniel and I are both fearless creative thinkers who bring new ideas into the world, and this challenges people. Most people don’t want to be challenged, but we are both driven to bring fresh new ideas forward and test them out. Some of them HAVE to be good ones that can benefit humankind. The problem has been that we throw these ideas often to the wrong people (people who misinterpret our ideas or motivation), so the solution is to direct that part of ourselves toward the right and responsible outlets, and to stop insisting that people who don’t “get” us, listen and get us.
Unfortunately, my parents and siblings are in this category. That does NOT mean they are bad people, it just means they are what the Harry Potter books call “Muggles.” They don’t get creative things and they are not into the “magic” aspects of life. So, instead of thinking my parents hated me because they so strongly discouraged me to be an architect (my first known ambition, back in Jr. or Sr. high – I am equally gifted, right and left brain-parts, and that profession uses equal parts math/science and art) and insisted I should be an accountant because of my high math scores (arts ability cannot be “scored” really, so they had no idea how to judge that), I need to understand that they, not understanding the creative aspects of mind, were afraid I could never make it because they assumed I had a mind like theirs. And there is no lessening of anyone’s worth because they have little access to creative thinking. Many important roles in life and business are performed by people better suited to implementing the creative ideas of others. Not everyone can have “CEO mind” or be a fine-artist. (Really the same thing, although society makes a false distinction between creative business thinking and arts production.)
Anyway, all three of us are committed to getting better so that we will be allowed to have more creative expression, without the people we annoy to death resisting us ad finitem. AND I thank God I realized this before my psychiatric evaluation early this afternoon.
At First Presbyterian, especially, I get a lot of validation for my unique talents – both from clergy and parishioners. This is the spiritual home I’ve always sought. Although I consider Religious Science to be a better distillation of truth, there (at least at the Atlanta Church during Rev. Paul Gonyea’s recent days), everyone is too damn politically correct and if you call people on that kind of BS you get some people quite angry. At First Prez, everyone is respectful of each other and there are very diverse opinions. What links all is that everyone seems to listen to each other with open minds and all are genuinely seeking. I also am most highly complimented by having been made an Honorary Jew. I just feel more comfortable with Jews than with any other people, and as a group, their record in service to humanity is not topped, DESPITE so much of the world envying their ability to focus and move ahead despite all the hate and resistance to them. They are the warmest people on earth, and one thing I found most telling is that the Mexicans (especially descended from natives) revere Jews. Calling someone a Jew is their highest compliment – at least in Puerto Vallarta. My friend who styles herself “Gloria Jew” moved to an all Mexican neighborhood where she was entirely welcomed immediately, but on day word a Star of David on a chain, and when it was seen, the neighbors started treating her like a Queen – they had not previously known she was Jewish.
Well, whatever I am, I am FOR everyone and everyone’s success. This is a spiritual statement. Please also know that I know that I only harm myself if I oppose, sue, or otherwise torment anyone else out of spite – or EVEN because I’m right. That said, if suing, prosecuting, or publicly exposing the crimes of others benefits ALL (except those who consciously harm others), then these actions are actually positive. Going forward, I will try to further sort the things I have alleged and then proceed in appropriate ways against criminals, whether of the law or man or God, but otherwise leave well-intended people alone, regardless how mistaken I believe them to be. After all, not only have I made many errors along the way, but we are all in this together, and the first thing we need is good intentions – we just don’t want to be paving the road to hell, and that’s where this thing called God comes in, so we listen with discernment in meditating.
So now I must get ready for my psychiatric evaluation, and I will publicly report on that as well, no matter how much I do or do not want to do so.
Scott
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