Where's My Trial???

Hi Emily,

It’s been quite a while since we’ve directly communicated, but I did feel a somewhat urgent need to ask you when-oh-when has my little trial gone, oh when-oh-when will it beeeee??? I mean last I heard from you about this (and I KNOW you are not in charge of scheduling), it was mid-April and you said we’d get a date assigned in May for June. There are only three business days left in May, and in MY experience, not much happens around a holiday (actually, this would have been an IDEAL time to have it to preclude too many people witnessing the thing – as the original trial managed to achieve so effectively).

I do hope the problem is not with judges recusing themselves in droves, like those who knew David Nash did last time. If any of them read my blog, they all know by now that anyone who has a four-year college or university degree, had it paid for directly or indirectly (to varying degrees) by my distant Kenan relatives – especially here in NC. Even those at small schools or for-profit ones had teachers likely trained in part on the Kenan dime. Well, that woman I had before I was assigned you might work. She showed no evidence of education, had to be PROVEN that Kenans don’t ALL have “two or three trust funds they can get money from,” and gets quite jiggy due to box-wine alcohol-withdrawal starting about 10:30 AM (so her neighbors have explained it to me – I wouldn’t know).

Rebecca.W. Blackmore – that’s her name. If she had enough advance notice to wash her hair that week and someone hid one of those sports bottles under her robe with a feeding tube discretely positioned at her collar, she might do just fine! I hear-tell she’s TOUGH on drunk drivers though. Wish she’d put whoever keeps hitting Kenan Memorial Fountain and breaking off those HUGE chunks of granite, concrete, or whatever it is, off it, in jail – for permanent. I guess they do EVENTUALLY repair it. The Fountain and its surround all SEEM to be there, although the latest refrigerator-sized chunks have been lying around for weeks now – just sitting on the ground. Good thing Tommy and his kin don’t take this treatment personally!!!

I hear the town drunks and druggies have been hitting the thing for decades – that things have been so bad they shaved down Kenan Plaza TWICE over the decades so drivers wouldn’t have to exert themselves to turn their steering wheels as far to maneuver. I DO like those new green and white signs they put up announcing it as “Kenan Plaza” on all sides, although I’d rather they were in a more ‘period’ style. I think those went up and the fountain-water was turned back on about the time I arrived in town. Made me feel MOST welcome (despite the fact you have to go to 1700 to make my blood connections with those Kenans).

Maybe they could put up automated breathalyzer stations that give a token if you pass (good for no longer than three minutes) that you drop at automated gates a block or two back from the Fountain to be allowed to try to drive around it without crashing INTO it. Poor lawyers would get so lost having to drive entirely new routes to work to avoid the alcohol test – I guess that would screw up the whole Justice System here.

Well, I hope you’ve enjoyed this little entertainment (with embedded seriousnesses in it) that I wrote to relax you if they’ve bedeviled you anything like they have me. I’ve ALWAYS known you and I are the TEAM, regardless who signs your check – though I dare say I may have made more progress toward that Honorary LLD from Harvard I’m buckin’ for (a TEE-VEE Comedy Special with Stephen Colbert, John Stewart, or Donald Trump -- with my height, I could give first-person, birds-eye view commentary of what’s goin’ ON in that hair -- would do in a pinch, however). For the record, the guy with the Hand Painted Houses logo on his pick-up truck who the neighbors claim is the biggest drug dealer around (you can tell ‘em by their ‘Zen’ porches – Buddhist prayer flags, perfect restorations and yards, I’m told), is STILL making his deliveries, but has put a couple extension ladders in the back of his truck to appear more authentic. LOL!!!

The crack lab in the other half of my shotgun-duplex was moved off premises a week ago, and Jess and Peter have become right friendly – which presents new problems, given my penchant for hot, Italian bears! The gay boys who teach at UNCW (at least one of them) in the mulberry house next door are never around since I first blogged about them, so no more ‘speed-dating’/medication-assistance -- or whatever it was the shorter one was doing all day while the other was apparently at work.

Don’t tell me bloggin’ isn’t a Public Service if Criminal Justice System is in pockets of narco-trafficking Mafia Thugs. LOL!!!

Perhaps you can work something out with the D.A., Mr. Nash, and whomever else to somehow legally keep us from going back to court. As long as I’m found NOT GUILTY, I don’t care how it’s engineered. I DO think the constitutional dismissal is both appropriate and best, although I certainly never violated the law and that will be easy to prove if necessary. Not our problem about how David Nash perjured himself on minor points while John Mann perjured himself by claiming he never told me the stories I retold about David’s alleged sexual activities and association with Drug Mafia. Again, all things considered, I’ve changed my mind and am NO LONGER CERTAIN John was telling ME the truth: Look how he lied about that UNDER OATH!!!

When I was thrown out of Costello’s Piano Bar on Princess St. for no reason and everyone was lying to me, it was no wonder I got so confused! I think I have a good understanding of things now and can testify with confidence.

I’d just hate it if a bunch of press showed up in court – which a little birdie has claimed in my ear. No telling how they got wind of things.

Let’s just be merciful and work out the solution that’s easiest for all, n'est–ce pas?

Cheers! –and relax with a Coke (a Cola) this weekend (profits support university education, sports, arts, youth programs, etc. – if ya get my meanin’, if ya get my drift . . .)

Scott