Killing the Serpent Within

Hi Ernie,


I intend this to be a good old-fashioned email -- the kind one person writes to one other person. I've calmed down a lot lately, and part of that was due to an amazing dream I had while in The Oaks (mental hospital wing of NHCRMC):

I dreamt I was driving some kind of vehicle and pulling a long, thick power cord behind me. At some point, the cord snapped off, the vehicle disappeared, and the cord rose up into the air and became a neon-green serpent, much like a cobra with hood and hissings, but a miniature human face. It snapped and flailed in the air as it spread its hood menacingly; the air around it glowed as day-glo green as the snake. It came within about two feet of me and fixed me in the eye as it continued to hiss and carry on.

I stood firm, observing it while talking myself down that it had any power to harm me. I refused to meet its stare, but fixed my own gaze just to the side of it so I could see clarly what it was doing.

Suddenly it exploded into a gazillion glowing, chartreuse pieces, which faded as they fell like embers from a fireworks starburst. I was safe. Either the evil outside me or the evil within me had collapsed from my standing firm against it. (Since my dream came from within me, I'm assuming the whole thing was an inside job.)

And I swear, everything has become better since then (except this temporary homeless thing, which will resolve in court Friday morning).

I got out of the mental hospital effortlessly, and I see that since the domestic violence restraining order is based on the same lies, it will fall as easily too. I believe Brenda must have been taking "Mother's Little Helpers" which she got from this character Justin Austin-Wynn. I'm certain he put her up to both actions. I have no bad feelings toward Brenda, and I expect her to cave under oath. If not, I'm still certain to win, and I might press charges of maliscious prosecution against her. But really, I think it will work out and I will be able to continue to stay there with some credit toward rent for compensation for my troubles. As it is, rent is paid through the end of this month.

Last night, I learned that a guy I'd dated ten years ago who is a very nice guy and coincidentally moved to Wilmington half a year ahead of me (which I didn't know until I ran into him here), is doing well and has good friends. When I saw him last (half a year ago), he was in a terrible situation and I've been wondering how he's been doing. My mind is at ease now.

This morning, I ran into Robbie Trayhan whom I've housed temporarily and who sometimes seemed to be my boyfriend, but also confirmed many of my political claims about dope running and its protection here. He also claimed that Ben David promised to pay his hospital bills if he would testify against me in court. Robbie is a bad alcoholic over many years. He is the one person that NO ONE would bet would ever get dry, but everyone loves because he is so inventive in the stories he tells to trick money out of people for beer. But today, I saw he looked so much better and learned he has been dry for five days now, having sweated out the DTs for a few days on his own. Tomorrrow, he expects to feel completely human and to get some clothes so he can find a job. I creied right there with happiness -- in MY Wilmington story, I have two "heroes", Robbie and me. Because we both always land on our feet no matter what happens, and now, I will no longer know that tinged with the sadness of knowing the drinking will eventually kill Robbie. I DO believe he is serious, and I know he kicked a long-term heroin addiction on his own 8 years ago.

The actual purpose of this email was to let you know how impressed I was by your sermon Sunday. Humans do NOT WANT TO CHANGE, but you shepherded all perfectly -- you are such a good writer!!! Comments afterward from some of the "Old Brahmins" were completely in line with your message. The whole congregation has the deepesst love and respect for you. Also, it was clear -- even before your talk -- that no one cared that I was so "down-dressed". I have such high regard for everyone at First Presbyterian -- and I have not yet met a single person who is stupid or not a critical thinker. That's not to say that all think alike or agree with me. But all really care about the church and their own and others' spiritual life. I can't imagine a finer spiritual home.

Also, I thought the new placement of the announcements felt natural. But I DO suggest as you look over different style hymns that you not include too may "Old Negro Spirituals" (or newer soul-style spirituals). I went to mass at St. Mary's again Saturday afternoon (no, they aren't seducing me), at the invitation of a friend, and all four of their hymns were spirituals -- the congregation almost all lily white. It just doesn't work -- or maybe I should say it DOES work, but what it works at is making white folks look ridiculous. A small dose now and then might be fun, however . . .

I have been having difficulty raising funds to renew a month of phone service. First I'd like to say that while I slept the last three nights on a concrete slab, I can AND WILL remember to line up late afternoon before the quota is filled at Salvation Army to get a bed, so that is covered and I'm not asking more. My phone service is $30/month plus about $2 taxes and $3 RT bus fare to get to Best Buy. I will try to angle a few people to spot me that. I really hate asking ANYONE, but having open lines of communication really helps, especially since I only get two hours of 1-at-a-time internet at the library. As soon as I get back to having longer internet, I have plans for several different ways of raising some funds quickly (one is to email all the people I sent a free copy of the book in exchange for a few cigarettes or a buck or two for food to see it they can send a bit more if they liked the book, another is to specially contact the Tennessee Williams scholars, all of whom I sent the book free 18 months ago, but only one has sent me a penny. They all exclaimed over the new-to-them info the book contains). These two actions each require longish time to research on the internet.

Feel free to share this email with Pete and Charlie if you like. I might post parts of it on my blog.

Thanks,
Scott