>>> THE CARCINOMA HAS BEEN REMOVED FROM MY FOOT!!!:
It was 1.12 inches long, 0.75 inches wide, and 0.38 inches deep -- QUITE LARGE!!! But with it GONE, the pain of all the cutting and now open wound that skin must grow over to cover is ACTUALLY LESS than the pain of its being there -- which I was so used to, I barely noticed, so I AM THRILLED, and THANK Falconer St. Just for the "scholarship assistance"!!!
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>>> UPDATE RE: EVAN FISH from here: http://www.topix.com/forum/county/new-hanover-nc/T02P6CL62ECPHEAHL#lastPost
Scott, it is too bad you really didn't know our son. There are so many statements you make that are false. I realize you continue to come up with these bizarre stories to get hits on your blog. Please STOP and let his family be!
Go get yourself help!!
Evan Fish with his Dad, James Fish. Evan really appreciated his Dad when I knew him, and HATED his mother, who had severely abused him as a child.
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Dear "One hurting parent",
Since Evan Fish's parents, Lynn Bridger and James Fish, used their real names when posting various places on the Internet right after Evan's death (when it was fresh and more painfully powerful), I have no reason to believe you are either of them, although you may well be someone's parent and grieving something -- most of us are.
I spent a total of two weeks with Evan in one confined place or another, we becoming best friends and had planned our new business, a walking tour of Wilmington having to do with the history of my Kenan Family, and Wilmington's unique role in the development of Metaphysical Thinking, something a Fundamental-type Christian would not understand or respect, as well as many other important things about Wilmington in American History. Evan was to handle the marketing/sales, while I would give the actual Tours, we even had the script written, so we DID spend some time working together.
I also do NOT DOUBT the experience his old Ohio friends speak of before he was injured enough to KILL his lifelong dream of being a Marine. (And I admit Evan had me and everyone else in Wilmington FOOLED with his claims of Marines service, which he did for the PRACTICAL REASON of covering what happened to him the two years when he was distributing drugs in Maine).
Unfortunately, after his injury in boot camp which then DISQUALFIED HIM for the Marines, he freaked and got into drug distribution in Maine, which I honestly believe NO ONE back in Ohio knew about. He was smart enough to try to get out of it before the Law caught up to him, and was THRILLED that his and my business was a way to become a RESPONSIBLE MEMBER OF SOCIETY AGAIN, but powerful people would not let him live because he knew too much.
So although Ohio people and I knew DIFFERENT EVANS, I knew the more recent one, and I worked with him to GET PAST HIS PAST and to REBUILD AN HONEST LIFE.
I do NOT recall anyone in Ohio having LIFTED A FINGER to help him in any PRACTICAL WAY. Their PRAYERS TO JESUS did nothing (or led to Evan's DEATH -- depending on interpretation).
I dedicated my blog to Evan's memory and I WILL put Ellie Schwaner (and maybe some Law Enforcement in Wilmington), in PRISON as soon as possible as she is the PRIME accomplice to his MURDER. No one in Ohio is guilty of any crimes except IGNORANCE, and that is NOT prosecutable in this case.
All best,
Scott
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>>> A RESISTANT SCOTT KENAN LEARNS SOME EMPATHY!!!:
Hi Falconer,
Sorry about the blow up, which I was over quite quickly, it helping that I had a flash of inspiration or delusion that seems to explain this continuing problem more.
Generally, I get angry when I see something DESTRUCTIVE that I have little or no power to change, but this is for GENERAL, and does not apply so much to our relationship.
For months, I have tried to be on my guard NOT to get upset with you, because I know your intentions are admirable, even though so many of your suggestions would HARM ME in my circumstances, and I have long recognized that a city hermit of some number of years DOES NOT HAVE THE EXPERIENCE to know what the real world is like (in the sense of human communications and actual IN LIFE behaviors).
It is also why you are never spontaneous in your suggestions, which only makes you sound CONNIVING to me!!! But you often are spontaneous and RELAXED when we discuss things REMOVED from the reality I have to live within which I think could NOT be more foreign to you -- I know you have put up with LOADS OF SHIT in your life, but unlike Mr. Confront-the-World, you have chosen to to hide way from the world other than Internet reviews and such, where no Toro is gonna come though the Internet and strangle you. YOU STAY SAFE, your chief goal in life from what I have observed.
You want to play out your life without those old conflicts continuing.
I don't blame you for this, given what I know or can fairly imagine you have been through, I do not really even criticize you for making the opposite decision how to live your life to my own. Getting back to your lack of spontaneity and attempt to rationally smooth things over, you fairly consistently opt for the kind of SMOOTH TALK that would work on a woman who is emotionally basing her decisions, but causes THIS rational thinker to go ballistic. So attempts to "make nice" that do NOT include any consideration of HOW I THINK but are based in the Idea of LET'S TRY TO FEEL BETTER AND THAT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN APPLYING REASON (and I seriously doubt you have any conscious awareness of this), usually catches me off guard and OFF I GO!!!
I got over my OWN Depression (which for the first half of my adult life -- 1973 college graduation to 1992 -- was chronic with brief times of trying to ASSERT MYSELF that came off OVER-DONE, so it all MIMICKED BIPOLAR MANIA). You see, I UNDERSTAND why people who DISAGREE WITH MY PHILOSOPHY (often for reasons of SELF-PRESERVATION), were so DESPERATE to condemn, jail, nuthouse commit, or kill me -- and that SOME of them who acted SUBCONSCIOUSLY as they self-examine little or none at all, while others like my mother, fake Christians, and fake Conservatives (most of WHITE AMERICA), could convince people I WAS BIPOLAR. And I also understand how people who believe the physical is more important than the psychological and spiritual think that CHEMISTRY is the ONE TRUE GOD.
Not counting MONEY.
But THIS is HELL to me, and I reject it. If it works for YOU and all I have to do is put up with your completely insensitive TO ME advice (your advice would probably work quite well for you in your hideaway -- which seems ALL you think about when you give it, rather than what would work for ME), I can DEFINITELY handle that -- and my attempting to more deeply understand it DEFUSES MY BLOW-UPS.
I will continue to work to NOT LET THIS BOTHER ME. This new deeper understanding that makes LOGICAL SENSE to me might be totally rejected by you -- and may prove incorrect, but time will tell.
My suggestion is for you to consider my conversation with Thomas Elliot Keith the last time I saw him (NYC, winter 2009), when he told me he had slept with Paul Willis and shared his prescription meds to calm the nervous guy down at the then most recent Tennessee Williams/New Orleans Literary Festival ( www.tennesseewilliams.net ). I asked, and Thomas told me, that he is prescribed three meds to deal with ANXIETY, I believe the VERY powerful Xanax is one of them, but I'm not certain.
I was a bit surprised that Thomas would be on such things -- he before then had never seemed anxious to me. But all THESE kinds of mental health symptoms: anxiety, depression, etc., are only SYMPTOMS of other problems, and UNLIKE the rest of the world where long-term use of them (and outright BANS on use of Testosterone for such), are that OTHER societies seek to find and get to the CAUSES of the symptoms rather than indefinitely MASK them, for GREATER PROFIT and at least SEMI-wasted lives of those who medicate indefinitely mean NOTHING to Profiteers, instead of to do the mental or spiritual work to get PAST A CRISIS, and then self-examine and try to actually HEAL.
This is an ass-backward philosophy that SEIZES the United States in nearly every area. While I DO support many areas of gun control, the actual MISUSE of guns cannot be blamed on ANY weapon, but if animals can't be responsible with guns then you have to limit them until the society gains a little MATURITY. In a Democracy of Aggressive Animals, this ain't a-workin' AT ALL (nothin' can be passed)!!!
But when I asked Thomas how long the doctor thought he might need to stay on these anti-anxiety drugs, it was clear to me that my question DID NOT COMPUTE (he could only stare at me BLANKLY, like it was NOTHING he had ever considered), and it never even occurred to Thomas (nor had his IRRESPONSIBLE DOCTOR mentioned that anxiety is NOT A PROBLEM, it is a SYMPTOM). Thomas expects to remain on them indefinitely, as he believes he has some kind of physical mind that is FLAWED so needs them.
In Truth, Thomas Keith KNOWS he is one of the greatest criminals in LITERARY and POLITICAL HISTORY!!!
I'd be a tad ANGK-SHUS TOO, WOULDN'T YOU???
I have no idea how long you have been on injected Testosterone for Depression, although I know you say you have had Depression for a long time. I am SINCERELY GLAD you find relief, but suspect that your personal retreat into ACCOMMODATING society's prejudices and being mostly a hermit, have done a number on your self esteem.
I know we have joked around about how long your dishes build up and general cleanliness and order of your apartment, but I have learned from experience that one's personal hygiene, pride of appearance, and condition of personal environment -- to the extent one can control it -- DO paint a truthful image of one's ACTUAL INNER LIFE.
And at your age, you will suffer little before a natural death from long usage of such powerful a drug. In PRACTICAL TERMS, you will be fine either way. To change either things or your thinking now may not seem worth the effort -- although it would be a FUN ADVENTURE, were I in your shoes.
So all that said, with THIS theory of mine about it, I expect to be MORE EMPATHETIC to your situation and not go off like a WILD BANSHEE, at least as often or vigorously, a trend already established, actually.
And thanks so much for everything. Despite all, we DO seem to stay in each others' orbit -- which has actually been more enjoyable as time marches on.
Only in the United States do people with general health ever suffer "Low T". Others might call it being PUSSY-WHIPPED by a woman, man, or especially by oneself.
But that is NORMAL in the United States today and NO ONE THERE WILL CRITICIZE YOU FOR IT.
Let's take a moment to be GRATEFUL that injected Testosterone does NOT seem to give a "party high" or cause tolerance to develop, requiring increases of dosage-ing like Xanax and similar drugs that FAR MORE AMERICANS are addicted to (which is probably ANOTHER good thing about T -- non-addicting, no???)
Scott
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