What, really, is Family?

Below is my final communication with family, via my younger sister, Julie. She is the only one of my immediate family (parents and siblings), who bothered replying to my final attempt to move forward toward healing, although not the only one of the descendants of my mother's parents who did. It feels good to be able to put this exercise in the past, now, although the result has been disappointing. Because I received donations or sincere promises to send money later today from readers of this blog that total just over $1,200.00, to which I will be able to add my paycheck from new employer -- and the court UNSECURED AND REDUCED TO MINIMUM my bond when we filed my appeal yesterday -- I feel perfectly confident that I can continue tenancy in my apartment as well as avoid utility shut-offs.

Thank you, Readers!!! -- whether you contributed money or not. I trust that all of you have paused a moment to think about the content of my writing, WHETHER YOU AGREE WITH ME, AT ALL, OR NOT. God bless you!


From my email sent after midnight last night to Julie:

I was only going to send this back to Julie, but since it’s pretty much how I feel about Mom, Dad, and Mike (but less so Jane, who has been more giving and clearly has tried to understand, even if she couldn’t bother to respond), decided to share it. It would be a waste of my time to bother treating my parents and siblings like individuals.

The rest of you were never on the hook, except Jan, but truly, she and I have had many heartfelt discussions about the sick Meyer heritage, and I know it still overwhelms her at times and she has suffered greatly, yet works in her own way to get beyond it. It is impossible for me to be upset with her. First-borns always bear the brunt of these things, and she has certainly done that too.

So: Mom, Dad, Mike, and Julie: Good luck to you! You deserve all the best in life, but we live in separate worlds now, and that is of your choosing. I accept your choice, and hope you find all that your hearts desire.

Just stay out of my business. I commit to staying out of yours, although I will continue to consider and publish my personal opinions about our family. You at least gave me some great material, and in having to deal with your resistance, I found my strength -- as well as a whole new life that I love and friends who are loving.

Scott

-----Original Message-----
From: Julie Duffy
Sent: Wednesday, April 06, 2011 9:18 PM
To: Scott Kenan
Cc: My parents and other siblings
Subject: Re: My final appeal to my family -- after coming back to my senses

Scott,

I cannot help you financially. (That is a lie that not a single person on earth who knows anything about your financial situation would ever believe. You could have easily sent at least $20.00. And on top of lying shamelessly, you destroy your credibility and insult everyone's intelligence. Worse, you probably don't even know what you do. In my request/demand, I emphasized the “give me a believable explanation” option -- I'd actually have preferred that to money, as my REAL goal has been to find some healing in the family, which I believe has almost exclusively been playing ostrich for FAR too many years. You did not even ATTEMPT to explain why you chose to send nothing, but simply stated your hope that I would get on meds, and then told me what to do after I do that – AS IF IT WERE GUARENTEED TO HAPPEN. Well, you went to school after schools were dumbed down so that no one felt bad about underperforming (THAT worked!!!), and I don’t doubt you are even prepared to try to defend this kind of writing. I don’t COMPLETELY blame you for it, but to achieve the success you deserve, I recommend you take a course (or study a book) on grammar and punctuation. No quality company would allow someone with this caliber of writing (or thinking) to achieve too much. Every member of our family inherited our parents’ fierce intelligence, but look how poor self-image and, in your case, bad schooling, have made your writing as unattractive as if you were sitting in a board meeting dressed just fine, but picking your nose and eating it -- un-self-consciously. I only tell you because SOMEONE has got to clue you how to get ahead in business life – should you decide to make better use of your time while you’re acting in ways so that they will pay you.

I pity you, that this answer you have sent has been your deliberate choice. A true statement would have been something like: "I've decided not to help you financially." I hope you get on meds. Here, at least, you express a clear and honest sentiment -- thank you. Let me know when you do. No, I don't think I will -- if I do go on meds, which I'm expecting has a 50-50% chance of happening. You might eventually hear about it, but after all the time and effort I have put into explaining myself as I try to understand the truth of why our family is so screwed up and how to face the truth and then heal (hell, 4 of 6 are dry drunks -- not that I am actually knowledgeable enough to judge any of your inner lives, but I simply point out my opinion), you toss off a few lines that avoid my request and are pure ditto-head drivel.

I think of you often and pray for the best. They say that God responds best to prayers that are at least somewhat specific. You could not be less specific. OK, you probably mean for me – or do you mean so that my search for truth does not embarrass or inconvenience the family further?

Bottom line: I’ll look for love where it is – not waste any more time where it isn’t. I deserve better – and so do you.

Love,

Julie

NOTE: This morning, I would change my next-to-last sentence to: I’ll look for love where it is – not waste any more time where it currently isn’t expressed. Above, the added blue words, interspersed, are my specific comments regarding Julie's brief reply to me, which is pasted in exactly below. You will see that as a writer, I couldn't resist correcting her punctuation in one place:

Scott,

I cannot help you financially. I hope you get on meds, let me know when you do.

I think of you often and pray for the best.

Love,

Julie