Dear Friends and Family,
I’m totally exhausted tonight after a long day in which bossman Rusty and I took out the World’s Largest Tree – or so it seemed. But what a good feeling it was, not only of accomplishment, but to be so bone tired from honest physical labor. Last night I was less physically tired, but drained from wondering what would happen in an honest review of my history and present. Would I be put on medication? Have it recommended, and if so, how strongly a recommendation would it take to make me feel I should follow the recommendation?
But results are in, and she and I agreed that it appears (strongly), that I have in the past suffered Bipolar Disorder, but it has either disappeared or been in long-term remission (about 17 years). Because (I credit my studies in Religious Science and spirituality in general) I have had no depression longer than a few hours since about 1995, so I cannot have suffered from BIPOLAR since then. Before that, depression occupied much more of my time than mania, with neutral or depression being my usual state. Given the peculiar facts of my experience since I was a young child – but especially during the last two years – in simply telling those facts (but especially when I include my interpretations) I can sound delusional, but that does not make me delusional. Reality and its correct interpretation is NOT a popularity contest -- or determined by vote. I certainly have caused myself problems by detailing things to people who disagree or simply don’t want to think about the disturbing questions I insist on asking. I have NEVER blamed casual acquaintances, or even those “unthinking” people who are beholden to those who have consciously acted against me, for claiming I’m delusional.
But the fact remains that no one neutral, including, now, all three psychiatrists or psychologists I’ve had sessions with since I was arrested 2/28/11 (the jail psychologist who saw me three times while I was in jail can’t wait to read my book about this difficult time, as several sheriff’s deputies I knew there and spoke with while waiting as a free man to file appeal in court last week also claimed), can believe that my parents would not give me my brother’s and sisters’ phone numbers, or those of my five 1st cousins living in Wilmington so that I might ask them to help me make the tiny $350.00 bail. They couldn’t believe my parents refused to pay it, especially given my tenuous financial situation and how it got so much worse by a month of unnecessary incarceration on an inappropriately filed charge.
The appeal date still is not set, but is expected to be mid-June. First, my blog not only is constitutionally protected as a form of journalism, but it has a disclaimer to its right side. To be guilty, I would have to KNOWINGLY spread false statements about my accuser. It was one of his friends who told me what I reported, and then many of the allegations were “confirmed” by several others, so I had every reason to believe they were true. As to the testimony in court, I am proud that I did not lie under oath. Perhaps the other two didn’t lie. Perhaps they, like Bill Clinton, were wondering what the “definition of 'is' is.”
Well, it doesn’t matter. I just hope the verdict is thrown out (as expected) on constitutional grounds and 12 jurors don’t have their time wasted – and my accuser is spared the embarrassment of having everything gone over again in court – probably with press present.
Please also remember that my shrink-nurse in GA had taken me OFF Lithium and put me on 25 mg of Seroquel (one or two) to sleep, which I ended up not needing. Typically, for Bipolar, the dosage of Seroquel is 600-1200 mg./day. One doctor here in Wilmington (In January) put me on not-Lithium bipolar meds, although she withheld making a definite diagnosis, she thought it wise given my distant past record and my being clearly agitated, which she acknowledged could be from the difficult-to-believe facts of my experience the past year plus. But she also thought I might be making things up and simply was manic. The meds did not go well with me and I stopped them and also stopped seeing her after explaining my reasons to her in a session, although I fully understood her actions and did NOT hold her actions against her. If it turned out I WAS bipolar and she had not tried to medicate me, she could have gotten into a lot of trouble. I don’t think that is a good enough reason to take powerful psychiatric drugs when I was clearly no danger to myself or anyone else – or in a crisis situation.
Bottom line: I was found yesterday to need no drugs or continuing therapy, and if requested, a report will be sent to court.
Other news:
1. My goods stored in GA are fine, and in fact, the Windows Vista desktop computer I gave the storing person is coming back to me since she has not used it.
2. The Clerk of Court in GA could find no record of the Felony Stalking Warrant against me (due to Christal Presley’s false claims of my having broken the restraining order – IMPOSSIBLE since I have not been in Georgia since). The order went into effect about 10 months ago automatically since I was unable to go to the hearing and refute her false claims that I had in ANY way threatened her, as well as her preposterous claims that I told her I was Jesus Christ come back to life – or that I was “not taking my medication” – the last one, a claim ALL my family, Patrick Stansbury, and Allen Rosen have also made – as if my doctor had told them she had prescribed drugs which I was NOT taking – which she could not possibly have done.
3. I did run into my cousin Nell as she was heading into the chancel to sing in choir at First Presbyterian last Sunday. She seemed quite well and fine with me. In fact she said I may call her, which I hope to do tomorrow. I wanted to be sure she was comfortable. I hadn’t seen her or spoken with her since two years ago. I’m assuming her reported discomfort with me came from my parents’ wild stories – maybe THEY should be medicated. I certainly could sue them for libel, although I doubt I will (despite some serious encouragement). I hope also to connect with my Aunt Doris’s four daughters who live here in town as well.
Please know also, that now that I have NOT been arrested, followed by thugs, or found more lies printed about me on the internet (these things all reported in earlier blog posts) since I was arrested, I’m not feeling any need to tell “everyone” the details of my very real ordeal the past two years (or the daily beatings and swastika-clad dinner plates my mother served us on in the 1950s and 60s). These two thing shock EVERYONE I mention them to, although I do point out that: 1. The swastikas were in pastel colors and small 2. Both my mother’s brothers’ widows say they never saw those plates in my grandmother’s house—the place my mother claims they came from.
Whether my parents and siblings come to their senses or not is not my problem. I have made such good friends in Wilmington, and really, have replaced my parents and siblings with a loving family. I do hope they will eventually see they cannot change the past by denying it – especially my sister Julie’s allegations that Dad sexually molested her, which (as I remember) she eventually dropped shortly before getting a job with a pharmaceuticals company which paid nicely.
I’m sorry to end on that note, but the past simply cannot be changed, and the future cannot be properly built without honesty and soul searching. I hope my family will someday contact me again – but I’m sure as hell not holding my breath!
And as before, if you can spare a little to help me finish catching up rent and utilities, get some new glasses (my old ones were scratched so badly the third time the drug Mafia beat me up in Mexico, I have only half their area through which to see properly), get a replacement for the three-sided tooth filling that fell out last summer, etc., PLEASE DONATE THROUGH MY BOOK’S WEBSITE: WWW.WALKINGONGLASS.NET .
I expect to be completely on my own feet within a month or two.
Thanks,
Scott
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